It has been exactly 3 months since I confronted Jimmy C. and still to my knowledge he hasn't had any contact with K. I thought I was feeling better about the whole situation and personally making strides in getting past it. Last Thursday I went and met one of my girlfriends and her little boy for dinner. As we were pulling out of the restaurant K was pulling in, I got on the phone and told my girlfriend (we had been talking about K and the text she had sent the day before at dinner) turns out my girlfriend knows K, they went to the same school, thank goodness they aren't friends. I wasn't prepared for that, I wasn't prepared to run into her, even though I have no reason to believe that she knows who I am. The fact that she lives in the same somewhat small town I do just freaking stinks. After dinner I had to go see Jimmy C. at work and drop off some things he needed. He asked why I was in a mood and after I asked him not to be mad if I talked about it, I told him what happened. He assured me he wasn't having any contact with her and that it was over. I believe that.
My problem is that I am struggling because I believe he is still holding back information from me, I don't know really how to explain it. Maybe he hasn't settled into our "new" relationship either and is still trying to get comfortable like I am, I just don't know.
For whatever reason I am feeling a lot of the same grief I did when this first happened. I guess it is because it has recently dawned on me that our relationship will NEVER be the same again, it's not just the death of that relationship I have to grieve, but the death of a dream.
The other thing I am really struggling with the most is he has never apologized, not for the affair, not for the hell he drug me through, not for his part in what got us to the affair. He has never assured me that it isn't going to happen again. Sometimes his actions indicate he is sorry, but I guess I need to hear it.
I do know this, if we didn't have kids, I am pretty sure we wouldn't be together now. I can't say that with 100% certainty because that isn't our scenario, but I don't believe I would have forgiven him.
I was talking recently to someone who has been like a big sister to me and she couldn't believe he never apologized, and that he still was using a password and such on his phone, she believes that like Dr. Phil said that he should be an open book about everything. He isn't, and the last time I "gave him the third degree" he got irritated...that may be partly because I have never had to do that before.
I really thought that this was something I could move past, but today I am just not so sure.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The Last Straw
In July Jimmy C. and I went away for a weekend with 3 of our friends. The weekend was great, we goofed off and had a good time, our friends left one day earlier than we did so Jimmy C. and I had some time alone together. It was nice to be away from the kids, to not have to worry about the daily demands of our crazy life, and to have NO cell phone signal.
I figured after a good weekend together with some bonding time that when we came home that he would stop talking to K. Again, didn't happen. I got totally fed up one Wednesday afternoon. I was talking to a girl at work who knew what was going on. The previous day Jimmy C had come and had lunch with me at work, I logged into our phone records and found out that as soon as he walked out the door from having lunch with me that he was on the phone with K. I was LIVID, I had all of it I could take. So at lunch that Wednesday I went to Jimmy C's work, he didn't know I was coming to talk to him. I sure wasn't going to let him know I was coming because I wanted to see his reaction.
I got to his work and he was surprised to see me. He asked me what was going on and I said I wanted to talk. He said ok. I suggested we go outside since I didn't believe that anyone else needed to hear the conversation.
I asked him what he wanted. He said he wanted to be at home with me and the boys. I asked him if he was sure and he said yes. I told him I was asking because his actions and his words didn't go hand in hand. We had talked earlier in the month and he said he wouldn't talk to her any more (I kind of backed him into a corner that time). So I said to him, you know we talked earlier and you agreed to no more personal contact, so either I didn't understand what that meant or you didn't understand what that meant (knowing full well I understood). He told me I was more important. And I said, every time you talk to her that shows me that you put more importance on talking than on my feelings, since I have made it crystal clear how it makes me feel when you talk to her.
I explained to him that I was ok with him having female friends, I didn't expect him to stop talking to his friends that he already has that are female, that he just CAN'T be friends with her, I can't and won't tolerate it. So I gave him the option, if you are sure you want to be with me than that's fine, you can, otherwise you need to plan on staying at your mom's for the next week while she is gone. He stayed at home. And to my knowledge hasn't talked to K. again.
BUT she kept trying to talk to him for a while, she would send him a text or 2 and he just wouldn't respond, he didn't answer the phone if she called. That lasted about 2 weeks and she stopped trying to contact him. About 6 weeks after no contact from her she called him, he didn't answer, she sent a text and he didn't answer.
Fast forward to today...I looked at his phone this morning and she had sent him a text...it said something like "I need a friend, life is really hard, I don't want to cause any trouble for you, blah, blah, blah. This is the first time he has left one of her texts on his phone. Up until now I haven't known what she was saying when she sent a message because he would apparently delete it right away. He does NOT know that I know the pass code to get on his phone.
He does NOT tell me that she tries to contact him, and he has never said anything about what she says, when she does send a message.
I am not a cold and unfeeling B***H, I know that K. has problems but I DON'T CARE. She needs to find someone else to be her friend. I wish she would just leave Jimmy C. alone. It makes me so upset that she continues to contact him. Maybe this was our fault, I know that when I went to his work to talk to him that he just stopped answering her, he didn't tell her not to contact him anymore and that he wouldn't respond ever, I think he just figured she would give up. Apparently not since that was 3 months ago and for some STUPID reason she thinks he will be here for her now.
I am really just praying with all my soul that he will continue to ignore her and she will give up.
I figured after a good weekend together with some bonding time that when we came home that he would stop talking to K. Again, didn't happen. I got totally fed up one Wednesday afternoon. I was talking to a girl at work who knew what was going on. The previous day Jimmy C had come and had lunch with me at work, I logged into our phone records and found out that as soon as he walked out the door from having lunch with me that he was on the phone with K. I was LIVID, I had all of it I could take. So at lunch that Wednesday I went to Jimmy C's work, he didn't know I was coming to talk to him. I sure wasn't going to let him know I was coming because I wanted to see his reaction.
I got to his work and he was surprised to see me. He asked me what was going on and I said I wanted to talk. He said ok. I suggested we go outside since I didn't believe that anyone else needed to hear the conversation.
I asked him what he wanted. He said he wanted to be at home with me and the boys. I asked him if he was sure and he said yes. I told him I was asking because his actions and his words didn't go hand in hand. We had talked earlier in the month and he said he wouldn't talk to her any more (I kind of backed him into a corner that time). So I said to him, you know we talked earlier and you agreed to no more personal contact, so either I didn't understand what that meant or you didn't understand what that meant (knowing full well I understood). He told me I was more important. And I said, every time you talk to her that shows me that you put more importance on talking than on my feelings, since I have made it crystal clear how it makes me feel when you talk to her.
I explained to him that I was ok with him having female friends, I didn't expect him to stop talking to his friends that he already has that are female, that he just CAN'T be friends with her, I can't and won't tolerate it. So I gave him the option, if you are sure you want to be with me than that's fine, you can, otherwise you need to plan on staying at your mom's for the next week while she is gone. He stayed at home. And to my knowledge hasn't talked to K. again.
BUT she kept trying to talk to him for a while, she would send him a text or 2 and he just wouldn't respond, he didn't answer the phone if she called. That lasted about 2 weeks and she stopped trying to contact him. About 6 weeks after no contact from her she called him, he didn't answer, she sent a text and he didn't answer.
Fast forward to today...I looked at his phone this morning and she had sent him a text...it said something like "I need a friend, life is really hard, I don't want to cause any trouble for you, blah, blah, blah. This is the first time he has left one of her texts on his phone. Up until now I haven't known what she was saying when she sent a message because he would apparently delete it right away. He does NOT know that I know the pass code to get on his phone.
He does NOT tell me that she tries to contact him, and he has never said anything about what she says, when she does send a message.
I am not a cold and unfeeling B***H, I know that K. has problems but I DON'T CARE. She needs to find someone else to be her friend. I wish she would just leave Jimmy C. alone. It makes me so upset that she continues to contact him. Maybe this was our fault, I know that when I went to his work to talk to him that he just stopped answering her, he didn't tell her not to contact him anymore and that he wouldn't respond ever, I think he just figured she would give up. Apparently not since that was 3 months ago and for some STUPID reason she thinks he will be here for her now.
I am really just praying with all my soul that he will continue to ignore her and she will give up.
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