Sunday, December 5, 2010
Christmas
Saturday we decorated our Christmas tree. We have a box of special ornaments. An ornament we got on our honeymoon, and ornaments we got on our anniversaries. I opened the box and pulled out our honeymoon ornament and just cried. He asked me what was wrong, and I said that just seeing it now makes me so sad. It reminds me of such a happy time when promises were not broken, when we were not broken. It's hard for me to look at them on the tree now. I guess I have to though, since I made the choice to stay together and move forward.
Confrontations
Thursday night my girlfriend P. came over to sit with my boys while they slept so I could go talk to Jimmy C. On my way to talk to him my baby sister called, apparently she was fed up after I had talked to her on my way home from work and she decided to call Jimmy C. and give him a piece of her mind. She was nice about it, as in she didn't yell and curse at him, but she was pretty firm. She did say that he seemed to be very sorry and he knew that he had a lot of digging to do to get out of the hole he's in.
I got to the Fire Station and we sat out in the bay (where they park the trucks) and talked. I tried to explain to him how incredibly painful this situation is for me. I don't know that he will ever understand how bad it is for me, just like I don't think I will ever understand why he did it. I did ask him how long he had been talking to her this time and it looks like it's only about a week to 10 days. I also asked how he got back in contact with her since he isn't texting and calling her from his phone. He said e-mail, and that she had his e-mail address from before, also that he is calling her from the fire station phone. I was really mad. My emotions run the circle around, devastated, livid, and defeated. I am just so tired of dealing with this. I am so hurt that he would talk to her again knowing that it was going to hurt me terribly. I did tell Jimmy C. that he couldn't have any secrets and this time he couldn't be mad if I gave him the third degree about stuff. I also told him that if K. contacts him I want to know about it, and if she sends him an e-mail or text that I want to see it.
I got to the Fire Station and we sat out in the bay (where they park the trucks) and talked. I tried to explain to him how incredibly painful this situation is for me. I don't know that he will ever understand how bad it is for me, just like I don't think I will ever understand why he did it. I did ask him how long he had been talking to her this time and it looks like it's only about a week to 10 days. I also asked how he got back in contact with her since he isn't texting and calling her from his phone. He said e-mail, and that she had his e-mail address from before, also that he is calling her from the fire station phone. I was really mad. My emotions run the circle around, devastated, livid, and defeated. I am just so tired of dealing with this. I am so hurt that he would talk to her again knowing that it was going to hurt me terribly. I did tell Jimmy C. that he couldn't have any secrets and this time he couldn't be mad if I gave him the third degree about stuff. I also told him that if K. contacts him I want to know about it, and if she sends him an e-mail or text that I want to see it.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Crap, just crap!
Things have been going along just fine, Jimmy C. and I have been doing well, he has been exhibiting exemplary behavior.
Sunday I get a call from my girldfriend P. She found out that K. is getting a divorce and just wanted that fact to be on my radar just in case something comes up. I kind of figured a divorce was coming for K. based on the little bits of information that I had been able to put together.
So this morning, I find out that for the last week or two Jimmy C. has been talking to K. again. I almost lost it. We were getting ready for work and Jimmy C. asked me if I was ok, and I just said no and that I didn't want to talk about it then, we had just gotten our boys up and were getting them ready to go. Jimmy C. called me after I dropped the boys off at daycare and was on my way to work. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him flat out that I was debating on whether or not when he came home on Friday, to ask him to pack his stuff and go stay with his mom. He got real quiet and said what, why. I said because I know that you are talking to K. again. He said it's probably not what you think. I said, I don't care that she is getting an F'ing divorce and needs somebody. WE AGREED that you wouldn't talk to her anymore and that you couldn't be her friend, period, paragraph. He was very remorseful. I ended up stopping by the Fire Station on my way to work to talk to him. While I was there he sent K. a message that he couldn't talk to her anymore (this was at my request). I told him I don't want to have to go and be ugly to K. I have no reason to believe she knows who I am at this point and we do live in a relatively small town we have one Target, one Wal-Mart, one Chick-fil-A (I have already run into her once in town). I don't want her to know who I am, but I am seriously at my wits end. She needs to find someone else to dump her problems on. I know from my friend P. that K. has a sister who is divorced, so maybe she needs to talk to her, or a therapist...but damn, she can't have my husband!
This is so hard! Just when I think I've found my stable base again, it's pulled out from under me.
Sunday I get a call from my girldfriend P. She found out that K. is getting a divorce and just wanted that fact to be on my radar just in case something comes up. I kind of figured a divorce was coming for K. based on the little bits of information that I had been able to put together.
So this morning, I find out that for the last week or two Jimmy C. has been talking to K. again. I almost lost it. We were getting ready for work and Jimmy C. asked me if I was ok, and I just said no and that I didn't want to talk about it then, we had just gotten our boys up and were getting them ready to go. Jimmy C. called me after I dropped the boys off at daycare and was on my way to work. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him flat out that I was debating on whether or not when he came home on Friday, to ask him to pack his stuff and go stay with his mom. He got real quiet and said what, why. I said because I know that you are talking to K. again. He said it's probably not what you think. I said, I don't care that she is getting an F'ing divorce and needs somebody. WE AGREED that you wouldn't talk to her anymore and that you couldn't be her friend, period, paragraph. He was very remorseful. I ended up stopping by the Fire Station on my way to work to talk to him. While I was there he sent K. a message that he couldn't talk to her anymore (this was at my request). I told him I don't want to have to go and be ugly to K. I have no reason to believe she knows who I am at this point and we do live in a relatively small town we have one Target, one Wal-Mart, one Chick-fil-A (I have already run into her once in town). I don't want her to know who I am, but I am seriously at my wits end. She needs to find someone else to dump her problems on. I know from my friend P. that K. has a sister who is divorced, so maybe she needs to talk to her, or a therapist...but damn, she can't have my husband!
This is so hard! Just when I think I've found my stable base again, it's pulled out from under me.
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