Struggling

It has been exactly 3 months since I confronted Jimmy C. and still to my knowledge he hasn't had any contact with K.  I thought I was feeling better about the whole situation and personally making strides in getting past it.  Last Thursday I went and met one of my girlfriends and her little boy for dinner.  As we were pulling out of the restaurant K was pulling in, I got on the phone and told my girlfriend (we had been talking about K and the text she had sent the day before at dinner) turns out my girlfriend knows K, they went to the same school, thank goodness they aren't friends.  I wasn't prepared for that, I wasn't prepared to run into her, even though I have no reason to believe that she knows who I am.  The fact that she lives in the same somewhat small town I do just freaking stinks.  After dinner I had to go see Jimmy C. at work and drop off some things he needed.  He asked why I was in a mood and after I asked him not to be mad if I talked about it, I told him what happened.  He assured me he wasn't having any contact with her and that it was over.  I believe that. 
My problem is that I am struggling because I believe he is still holding back information from me, I don't know really how to explain it.  Maybe he hasn't settled into our "new" relationship either and is still trying to get comfortable like I am, I just don't know. 
For whatever reason I am feeling a lot of the same grief I did when this first happened.  I guess it is because it has recently dawned on me that our relationship will NEVER be the same again, it's not just the death of that relationship I have to grieve, but the death of a dream. 
The other thing I am really struggling with the most is he has never apologized, not for the affair, not for the hell he drug me through, not for his part in what got us to the affair.  He has never assured me that it isn't going to happen again.  Sometimes his actions indicate he is sorry, but I guess I need to hear it. 
I do know this, if we didn't have kids, I am pretty sure we wouldn't be together now.  I can't say that with 100% certainty because that isn't our scenario, but I don't believe I would have forgiven him. 
I was talking recently to someone who has been like a big sister to me and she couldn't believe he never apologized, and that he still was using a password and such on his phone, she believes that like Dr. Phil said that he should be an open book about everything.  He isn't, and the last time I "gave him the third degree" he got irritated...that may be partly because I have never had to do that before. 
I really thought that this was something I could move past, but today I am just not so sure.