In July Jimmy C. and I went away for a weekend with 3 of our friends. The weekend was great, we goofed off and had a good time, our friends left one day earlier than we did so Jimmy C. and I had some time alone together. It was nice to be away from the kids, to not have to worry about the daily demands of our crazy life, and to have NO cell phone signal.
I figured after a good weekend together with some bonding time that when we came home that he would stop talking to K. Again, didn't happen. I got totally fed up one Wednesday afternoon. I was talking to a girl at work who knew what was going on. The previous day Jimmy C had come and had lunch with me at work, I logged into our phone records and found out that as soon as he walked out the door from having lunch with me that he was on the phone with K. I was LIVID, I had all of it I could take. So at lunch that Wednesday I went to Jimmy C's work, he didn't know I was coming to talk to him. I sure wasn't going to let him know I was coming because I wanted to see his reaction.
I got to his work and he was surprised to see me. He asked me what was going on and I said I wanted to talk. He said ok. I suggested we go outside since I didn't believe that anyone else needed to hear the conversation.
I asked him what he wanted. He said he wanted to be at home with me and the boys. I asked him if he was sure and he said yes. I told him I was asking because his actions and his words didn't go hand in hand. We had talked earlier in the month and he said he wouldn't talk to her any more (I kind of backed him into a corner that time). So I said to him, you know we talked earlier and you agreed to no more personal contact, so either I didn't understand what that meant or you didn't understand what that meant (knowing full well I understood). He told me I was more important. And I said, every time you talk to her that shows me that you put more importance on talking than on my feelings, since I have made it crystal clear how it makes me feel when you talk to her.
I explained to him that I was ok with him having female friends, I didn't expect him to stop talking to his friends that he already has that are female, that he just CAN'T be friends with her, I can't and won't tolerate it. So I gave him the option, if you are sure you want to be with me than that's fine, you can, otherwise you need to plan on staying at your mom's for the next week while she is gone. He stayed at home. And to my knowledge hasn't talked to K. again.
BUT she kept trying to talk to him for a while, she would send him a text or 2 and he just wouldn't respond, he didn't answer the phone if she called. That lasted about 2 weeks and she stopped trying to contact him. About 6 weeks after no contact from her she called him, he didn't answer, she sent a text and he didn't answer.
Fast forward to today...I looked at his phone this morning and she had sent him a text...it said something like "I need a friend, life is really hard, I don't want to cause any trouble for you, blah, blah, blah. This is the first time he has left one of her texts on his phone. Up until now I haven't known what she was saying when she sent a message because he would apparently delete it right away. He does NOT know that I know the pass code to get on his phone.
He does NOT tell me that she tries to contact him, and he has never said anything about what she says, when she does send a message.
I am not a cold and unfeeling B***H, I know that K. has problems but I DON'T CARE. She needs to find someone else to be her friend. I wish she would just leave Jimmy C. alone. It makes me so upset that she continues to contact him. Maybe this was our fault, I know that when I went to his work to talk to him that he just stopped answering her, he didn't tell her not to contact him anymore and that he wouldn't respond ever, I think he just figured she would give up. Apparently not since that was 3 months ago and for some STUPID reason she thinks he will be here for her now.
I am really just praying with all my soul that he will continue to ignore her and she will give up.
Hi Melissa, Thanks for stopping by my blog. I think you are doing the right thing by putting an ultimatum on him. He can not have it both ways. He has to choose and I agree he should not have contact with her and if he does you are wasting precious time to move on with your life. I agree that if he wants to work this out with you he has to prove that to you and if he doesn't I agree, he needs to go stay some place else for awhile. I had to put some hard rules on my husband when I knew he had a past problem with gambling. He won $13,000 right before we got married, and he was too scared to tell me but he did. I told him, "great, pay off your debts and if I find out you do it again I will leave you". Why you ask? It's just a little gambling? It's our money and he's not respecting it and if he says he won't and does it, he is lying to me and I can't trust him. Not being able to trust your partner is the WORST feeling. We haven't had any problems with this since. And I don't even want to compare my situation to yours because I know yours is much more serious. But you need to stand up for yourself and protect your boys. I pray he stays about from answering any msgs or calls. Have you both considered talking with a counselor or a pastor? It seems like he needs an accountability partner and it shouldn't be you. Sorry to ramble. I really feel for you! Hang in there! I'm praying for you today! ~Kimberly
ReplyDeleteThis sounds SO familiar.
ReplyDeleteWe had the same problem with my husband agreeing to not contact HER anymore and yet... she kept calling him . And, better still, when he didn't answer, SHE called MY phone.
UGH.
Infidelity is horrible.
Please continue to keep in touch with me. It helps so much to have others in the "same boat" who understand what I'm feeling (and vice versa)
Stay strong. (or, as strong as you can)